In October 1989 I got a new home phone number and promptly began getting a steady stream of wrong, yet entertaining calls left on my answering machine that I faithfully transcribed into my journals.

A couple of facts may make these little vignettes a little more interesting to you: 1. Evidently my number had previously belonged to a home healthcare agency. 2. My answering machine message was in my voice and said "Hi. This is Mervil. I'm not in now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks." Amazingly, a multitude of people were not daunted by the fact that they had reached someone or something called "Mervil " They just left messages anyway. Except for omitting phone numbers, what follows is exactly what the folks said:

10.26.90
Call from a nurse concerning Mr. Lovingood:
"Expecting his equipment when he gets home from the hospital."

10.26.90
Call from Mrs. Lovingood:
"We're at home — no equipment. Please call.
(I had been out of town when these calls came in. I hope Mr. Lovingood made it.)

11.13.90
Call from Marie Johnson
"Called about your ad about a job in telemarketing."
(I don't really see a future in telemarketing for Marie.)

1.23.91
Call from Sharon with Glasrock Home healthcare in Clair, MI
"I have some questions I need to know."
(I am not sure if she mis-spoke or is a student of existential thought.)

3.5.91
Call from Lillian Daniels
"Now let's see if she'll call!"
(Lillian, like Gladys, sounded a bit hot under the collar.)

4.30.91
Call from Lamelle Blayton
"Hello Mervil. My father and I aren't going to be able to make it today. We were told to call if we weren't going to be able to make it today. His car is on the bad side and we aren't going to be able to make it today."
(I got the impression that they weren't going to make it that day.)

5.5.91
Computer voice
"This is a collect call from the county jail."
(Just the kind of message you want to hear.)

9.7.91
Call from Herman Fain
"Yes, this is Herman Fain calling to remind you about breakfast tomorrow at 9:00."

9.11.91
Call from Diane
"Hello Mervil, this is Diane and I think I have the wrong number, but if there is a guy named LaFayette there, please call me and let me know."
(Returning this call sounded like a no-win situation.)

No date recorded
Call from Herman Fain
"Hello, this is Herman Fain calling to remind Mr. Wallace of the bible study we are having."
(I knew that breakfast offer had a catch.)

1.27.92
Call from Joyce Baker
"I called to ask about some information about a breathing machine I have. Please call me."

6.92
Unidentified man's voice
"Mervil, I was calling Joe Lyles whose number is similar to yours or I misdialed. I'd rather talk with you but unfortunately I don't know where to call again."My number is... Thank you.
(This was in the days before Match.com.)

1.25.93
Call from Vickie
"Hi, this is Vicki with Hospice in Union County. I need someone to go out and check, uh, a oxy-concentrator at the home of Dolly Ivy in 602 Stafford Street, Monroe. could someone give me a call? Thank you."
(This one made me feel warmly toward Ms. Ivy because I know Hospice only comes in in the last days of someone's life.)

3.5.93
Call from Lisa Allen
"Virginia, this is Lisa Allen. I need you to return my call as soon as possible. It is very important the call is returned."

3.12.93
Call from Eric
"This is Eric with Hospice in Union County. I need you to pick up an O2 concentrator from 602 Stafford Street, Monroe. Patient is Dolly Ivy. If you have questions, call me."
( I don't know for a fact, but I assume Ms. Ivy passed on.)

4.14.93
Call from Gwen
"Hi. this is Gwen calling John Groomes. Um, I'm getting ready to go to my classes right now. I will call you, um, after lunch, if that's alright, but yes, I definitely want to do the article. Thanks. Bye, bye."

11.4.93
Call from American Products
"I'm calling from American Products to let you know your floor buffer is ready to be picked up. Thank you."

11.18.93
Call from Jim Murphy
"Uh, Myrtle, this is Jim Murphy, uh, have Bob call me in on my pager when he gets in. It's very important that I talk to him. It's something real good. He might want to help out. It's not to do with where I'm working now, it's something better, and have him give me a page. Thank you."
(This sounded like a good offer, I hope Bob hooked up with Jim.)

3.5.94
Call from Nicholas
"Hello. How are you? Ah, this is D Shoe Service. Ah, I found your shoes so you can pick up, maybe 5 clock, before 5 clock. Oh, thank you very much. Bye, bye."

7.18.94
Call from Mr. Hughes
"Uh, have uh, Tommy Hughes to call uh collect to his dad. Thank you."
(Sounds like Tommy might be in a bad patch.)

8.7.94
Unidentified caller
"Look, I'm trying to get a uh, a long distance number in Albemarle. Get back to me will you?"
(I don' think so — dialing random numbers for directory assistance is asking a bit much.)

8.22.94
Call from Rooselvelt
"Hello James. This is Roosevelt calling from Jersey, and tell James I called, hear? Thank you."

8.94
Unidentified caller
"Well is this Robin or Mervil? Well, anyway, Robin if this is you, um, I got your message. As for as what to do about your dog, the one you found, I really don't know. Um, all I know about is the shelter or any of the adoption groups in the back of Animality. You can check with them and see what can happen. I know what you mean though. I have come across animals and just ran ads to try and find a home that way. Maybe that's a possibility, just run a classified ad. Good luck. I'll talk to you later."

12.31.94
Call from Linda on New Year's Eve
"Opie, Jerry, this is Linda. If you've got any beer or anything like that, let me know. Thank you bye.
(This is the last entry in my journal. I hope Linda has since come up with a stronger verbal strategy for getting people to give her their beer.)